Sensory isolation

In december last year, I catched… something. Not sure what it was, as I didn’t test or anything, and all in all it was quite mild, as I had mostly a sore throat, a headache, and two days of fever with no appetite, a slight nausea and a focus on sleeping it off. What I hadn’t anticipated is the sensory isolation that would come afterwards.

You see, I was never a visual person, as I became short sighted when I was a teenager, and it only worsened with time. But in all other aspects, I could be labeled as very sensitive. So I noticed immediately that my sense of smell was intermittent, and that my sense of taste had disappeared except for saltiness, sweetness, and smokiness. As time went by, I noticed that I simply didn’t smell those smells I didn’t like anymore, such as sewage, sweat, etc, but also that the essential oils I didn’t like to begin with, had a completely different smell (the others I could still sense). Whatever the reason, I now was in a very comfortable world of nice smells, and of only eating what I really loved to begin with.

Then I began to lose my hearing. My ears had been bothering me after my plane trip in december right after I was sick. At the beginning, I found it quite relaxing, as I was less tired by the noises around me, and (yes) I could sometimes have relief from my nearest and dearest who are quite chatty when they decide to talk. But it became worse, and right now, I scarcely hear other people if they shout, there is constant noise in my head from the blood flow beating inside, I don’t even hear my own voice correctly. I can still (barely) hear conversations on my phone and listen to videos and music if I put on a headset with all volume settings on maximum. No need to say how difficult it is to interact with people and go on with life when you don’t hear anything.

So now, I am essentially in a bubble with me and myself, which as always I view as an opportunity for learning. Not going to lie, sensory lack is not very practical. I’m mostly avoiding places where I have to speak with others. Some things I can’t do alone anymore. People around me don’t seem to realize what I’m going through and continue as if nothing was happening.

But it also brings up interesting things. One of them I didn’t anticipate is all the worries I have over losing my capacities as I age, coming up and submerging me. The anger against those that did not understand my problems (because yes, they should know, even if I don’t tell them… unreasonable much?).

And also, one of the things I noticed was that I do not feel drained at all when I am in crowds now, which is rather a nice side effect. Whether my usual loss of energy in crowds is linked to passive sensory overwhelm, to difficulties I have when I am overwhelmed, or to the fact that I am not actively scanning my environment for information anymore, I do not know. But whatever the cause, have decided to wear noise cancelling headsets in crowds now.

And crossing fingers to get better soon. Even if I am of two minds, do I want my sensitivity back to the level it was before?